he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
