Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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