Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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