I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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