so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
