I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
