Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
They should really pass out barf bags in church
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
