She went from zero to smokin in five shots
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
