Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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