Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
