Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
