ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
