Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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