Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
