good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
