I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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