FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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