cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
