Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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