I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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