I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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