I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
