I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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