I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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