This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
