i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
