I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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