1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
what day is it and did you see me today?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I need moral support for this bender
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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