glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
