Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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