and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My balls are so social today.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
