Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Buhtt sex?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
