Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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