party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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