Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
