I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
