Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
