he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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