i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
