I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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