Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
