I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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