in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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