She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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