how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
