This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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