I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
