He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
