just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When did angry sex become our thing?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
