I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
