Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
