I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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