I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
